The last time I won anything it was a read around the world contest in the 5th grade. For every 100 pages in a chapter book you moved a hundred miles or something on the map. I read around the world twice during the contest. I got a little trophy that said “#1 Reader” on it. That was my legacy. I’m a good reader.
Until today. Now I have won what basically amounted to a “who has the most social network followers who will do your bidding” contest that involved writing about how I imagine myself as Lena Dunham making sexy time with Donald Glover. I’m stoked I won, but I don’t think I’ll be sending the link to my grandma or anything.
Anyway, more than anything else I’m really hoping this turns into some kind of spring board to be able to write for more national websites/publications on topics similar to riding Donald Glover to completion. Because I think I found my wheelhouse.
I hate asking for votes for things. I didn’t write it to win specifically and I don’t really need a whole bunch of perfume, but if you dug my piece on The Gloss about my wildly delusional crush on Donald Glover you can click that link and push a button and tell the good folks at the Gloss you liked my piece best.
Also read the other ones too. My girl Colleen wrote about Joseph Gordon Levitt and kind of nailed it.
That time I got published on one of those lady websites I read all the time.
Me: goddamnit Donald Glover on a bike. God. Damn. It.
Sj: for real. Donald Glover’s tight red pants. Donald Glover on [REDACTED FOR MODESTY]. What?
Me: I want to write his argyle sweater sonnets.
(looking again and realizing I wasn’t actually paying attention to his sweater before)
Not argyle. Fair isle.
Sj: I want to hold his hand and skip down the Coastal Trail and have adventures.
Me: Can’t. Even.
Sj: It makes my heart hurt.
I promise you we are two grown, happily committed women with careers and talents and educations and shit. But god damn it, Donald Glover. It’s not even fair what you do to us. Not even fair.